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i was unaware,
of what was happening around
what should I wear?

for the people all looking down

at themselves and 
at their feet

maybe they're like me
 when they look in the mirror this is all they see

mistakes, this is what's at stake

memories for the moment 
and makeup to cover your face

my face, I can't stand to look
 the things that I've done

the chances that I've took

but here's a man

a few pews ahead of me

he brings all his stuff
 cause he doesn't have a family
or home
 for him to call his own

he can barely walk 
he looks all alone
sitting there in his chair
, struggles to get up the stairs
 and needs an oxygen tank 
just to get some air,
into his lungs, how fun
 while I'm sitting here laughing 
cause someone made a joke

about shirt cause it’s stained in one spot

and has been for weeks
but it’s all that he’s got

it's just too bad,
that I never noticed

cause even though he seems hopeless

his life was specially chosen

he smiles, I wave 
i try not to be rude

he asks me about my week
 but I couldn't tell the truth

I say it was good, just worked and did school

he mentioned that I've grown, said it was so cool
 that I wrote things for people,
but that I was such a fool

because it took his heart attack for me to see

what that man that sat a few pews ahead meant to me

his coffin in front of me, 
I'm talking to myself viciously

why is this what it takes for me
 to show a sign of sympathy?
and he’s not the only one
that’s grabbed my heart,
the womans son
the boy had just pressed restart
after years, he was finally clean
he could finally breathe
but one day, just like the rest
he left this place
too many pills too much dosage
unaware that it will kill, i suppose
unaware that he would change
my life, forever
it was just aimed to cure a headache
instead leaving a scar and heartache
where will we find peace?
but i wrote my first piece
at his funeral
about the deceased
how sooner or
later we all go
how am i supposed to know
i kept going, i wrote
about loved ones and dying
lonely people, they’re crying
they’re trying not to show it
don’t want people to know it
thats me
the boy in the pavilion
wondering why,
out of seven billion
he had to go so soon
i hate what im feeling
it’s pain
cause all i did was wave
never asked about his day
or cared enough to talk and stay
and now he’s gone, and i can’t do anything
but write some more words hope that it’ll change
cause tomorrows a new day
new chance and opportunities to live a different way
to show a different love to that old man down the street
who’s tryin to beat that cancer and get back on his feet
but he’s too busy dying, dying hopelessly
cause no one takes the time live selflessly
forget themselves so that maybe hopefully
a fake wave, won’t be the end of me
so im sorry bill
i didn’t take the time i should have
and i swear if i had known
that you’d be gone i would have
but thats the thing,
i guess we never know
one day they’re here
and the next they go
but it keeps happening
it keeps happening
people keep dying
we keep laughing
joke away the thoughts
pretend it doesnt hurt
find a way to cope
cover it with your shirt
hide it, hide it, hide it
don’t let anyone see
that you too are affected
by this missing piece
by this empty air
this empty atmosphere
the fear that one moment
we too could disappear
up and go
up and vanish
im not next
what are the chances?
waving hands
things that ive felt
things that ive said
things that ive did
i hate these weapons at the end of my arms
memories of ivory's, but also awful harm
bring them back
bring them back
my mind is under attack
bring them home
bring them home
they’re safe
but im alone
they’re safe,
but im alone
in a better place
why do i still feel alone
relax, just breathe
walking so slowly
look down, see his face
he’s here, but he left yesterday
he looks so nice
dressed up in a tie
eyes closed and nobody notices
the tear that falls from my eye
i miss you
i wish you
weren’t gone yet
there's things I still needed to tell you
this box is so expensive
just to never be seen again
lowered six feet under
and i never called you my friend
i should’ve called
i should’ve called
i should’ve done something different
blaming myself, i failed you that instance
i should’ve smiled
should’ve done more than wave
should’ve walked five damn feet
and just have said hey
if i had given you a coat
you wouldn’t have gotten that cold
wouldn’t have taken those pills
and i never would have known
so im sorry, i know i said that
im still wishing, you would come back
but i wont waste what you’ve given me
on fragile memories
but shine your light for all to see
so live on, through the trials
so keep on, and always smile
love now, and hate later
because later, wont always be there
i said love now, hate later
because later, won’t always be there


from Funeral Thoughts EP, released February 22, 2017



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Forest Elmira, New York

Twitter- @CalebMadl


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