Johnny
(i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing thats real)


i've been wondering how to move on from this same place that I'm in cause overtime i think i've escaped i find myself here again
and i wonder if this cycle is just for now or if it will ever end
and i wonder if i'll ever be new so that maybe i can get out of this skin

and i've been scared to finish these stupid songs that i wrote for you
cause i was a little nervous that someone might actually see the truth
that I'm not okay that you left and you left me without a clue and now my walls are falling down and i have no idea what to do

and i can't stand this weather and the way that it drags me down
i mean the rain is okay but it could be better, way better than it is right now
cause i hate the sun but i haven't seen it since you left this town
now those songs that i wrote last summer when you left are the only sound

i think i've been staring at my dreams for too long my neck is starting break
and i've been bending over backwards for a day job waiting to catch a break
i know life not about feelings but i wish i felt a different way
because once everything is stripped away i still feel so afraid



distraction my captain
take my mind to another place
show me the world and all its riches but don't leave me in this retched place
don't show me the hurt and the confusion
that I know can swallow me whole
don't show me the beauty of a word
that I know has drowned so many other helpless victims
don't
don't let me hear their cries as I try not to let it bother me
don't let me see their blood that seems to seep into this empty room
don't let me smell their rotting dreams that were placed in storage until they grew up

distraction my captain
take me far to another place
onto dry land
because this sea has laid waste
to the wooden ships that would pass by your island
day after day after day after.
these days seem to grow long
or maybe short, since the sea sunk our ship it's been difficult to keep track
but it hasn't been difficult to remember that grey day that was a vessel for your departure
how could I forget it?

distraction my captain
don't go don't go don't go
don't take that route home
this is home can't you see that?
why'd you go.?

distraction my captain
this carpet can't cover these scars
I tried to replace your missing presence with joy
but it's escaped again and again now it seems too far
it seems to have taken off with you even though you told me time and again that you never had anything to do with the damn thing

distraction my captain
this is my distraction from you
for you are gone
you left this sunken wooden ship and went to your island without me
you showed me all the things I didn't want to see
and you took a stranger
or a stranger took you-at least you didn't leave alone I suppose
so here in this final bottle I send to you,

as I sink slowly for the final time

don't forget me
don't be angry that I'm angry
release your rope-I mean your hands from my neck
because I can't miss you if I'm dead
and I do miss you

but I think, my captain
that my time has come