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Funeral Thoughts EP

by Forest

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1.
"She was never going to stay" atlas thats what people say people keep telling me that its going to be okay but ii know that it will never be the same and I know that i should probably change my perspective but my perspective of these suspicious people seems to be completely justified with the things that I've been seeing and I've been seeing a lot of things lately hypocrites preaching a certain way and then living like they've forgotten their own words the moon is an inspiration he's watched the darkness night after night after never ending nighttime fights for self worth self worth such peculiar words such perfectly perilous and hopeful words thats the way it seems to me anyways i aspire to be like the moon cause i couldn't go that many nights without breaking down atlas not since you left town i mean not since you decided that six feet underground is a better place to be than around people like me and people that are there for you when you fall but you didn't care about that at all did you? you never cared about the moon did you? you never meant to stay did you? you were always going to go away weren't you? you were always aching to get away from something whether it be me, God or breathing on January 9th i wrote a song titled just a girl and on january 10th you made it all come true i remember asking myself in the song "what if I'm wrong?" but i wasn't now overtime i write something new i think of you and how you'd tell me i was so innocent when i wrote and that i was ignorant but in a cute way which would make me uncomfortable so i'd say. "hmmm thanks? haha" and then you'd ask me about my day and i'd always say the sam answer i did school, went to work, came home and wished for adventure like i had when i was ten, i'd make up stories with my big brother who.. never finished any of our stories .. i think i got my story telling from him and i was with him when i got the news that you finally went away i was 1,105 miles away i didn't make it to your funeral but i've written what it was like 1,106 times with tears rushing from my eyes screaming in my bed, why? if you were never going to stay then why did you come to me in the first place? if you were always going to go away then why'd you make an effort to show me who you were? was it all wasted time? did i ever mean anything to you? did you think about me or your family on that drive? i still don't know if I'm angry or sad that you didn't try to call me one more time.. i wish you would have stayed i wish you would have called me one more time i wish you could have been okay and i wish you would have said goodbye X2
2.
Bill 06:30
Bill. 
i was unaware,
of what was happening around wondering,
what should I wear?
 for the people all looking down 
at themselves and 
at their feet
 maybe they're like me
 when they look in the mirror this is all they see

 mistakes, this is what's at stake
 memories for the moment 
and makeup to cover your face
 my face, I can't stand to look
 the things that I've done
 the chances that I've took 

but here's a man
 a few pews ahead of me
 he brings all his stuff
 cause he doesn't have a family or home
 for him to call his own 
he can barely walk 
he looks all alone sitting there in his chair
, struggles to get up the stairs
 and needs an oxygen tank 
just to get some air, into his lungs, how fun
 while I'm sitting here laughing 
cause someone made a joke 
about shirt cause it’s stained in one spot
 and has been for weeks
but it’s all that he’s got 
it's just too bad,
that I never noticed 
cause even though he seems hopeless
 his life was specially chosen
 he smiles, I wave 
i try not to be rude 
he asks me about my week
 but I couldn't tell the truth 
I say it was good, just worked and did school
 he mentioned that I've grown, said it was so cool
 that I wrote things for people, but that I was such a fool 

because it took his heart attack for me to see 
what that man that sat a few pews ahead meant to me
 his coffin in front of me, 
I'm talking to myself viciously
 why is this what it takes for me
 to show a sign of sympathy? and he’s not the only one that’s grabbed my heart, the womans son the boy had just pressed restart after years, he was finally clean he could finally breathe but one day, just like the rest he left this place too many pills too much dosage unaware that it will kill, i suppose unaware that he would change my life, forever it was just aimed to cure a headache instead leaving a scar and heartache where will we find peace? but i wrote my first piece at his funeral about the deceased how sooner or later we all go how am i supposed to know i kept going, i wrote about loved ones and dying lonely people, they’re crying they’re trying not to show it don’t want people to know it thats me the boy in the pavilion wondering why, out of seven billion he had to go so soon i hate what im feeling it’s pain cause all i did was wave never asked about his day or cared enough to talk and stay and now he’s gone, and i can’t do anything but write some more words hope that it’ll change someday cause tomorrows a new day new chance and opportunities to live a different way to show a different love to that old man down the street who’s tryin to beat that cancer and get back on his feet but he’s too busy dying, dying hopelessly cause no one takes the time live selflessly forget themselves so that maybe hopefully a fake wave, won’t be the end of me so im sorry bill i didn’t take the time i should have and i swear if i had known that you’d be gone i would have but thats the thing, i guess we never know one day they’re here and the next they go but it keeps happening it keeps happening people keep dying we keep laughing joke away the thoughts pretend it doesnt hurt find a way to cope cover it with your shirt hide it, hide it, hide it don’t let anyone see that you too are affected by this missing piece by this empty air this empty atmosphere the fear that one moment we too could disappear up and go up and vanish im not next what are the chances? waving hands things that ive felt things that ive said things that ive did i hate these weapons at the end of my arms memories of ivory's, but also awful harm bring them back bring them back my mind is under attack bring them home bring them home they’re safe but im alone they’re safe, but im alone in a better place why do i still feel alone relax, just breathe walking so slowly look down, see his face he’s here, but he left yesterday he looks so nice dressed up in a tie eyes closed and nobody notices the tear that falls from my eye i miss you i wish you weren’t gone yet there's things I still needed to tell you this box is so expensive just to never be seen again lowered six feet under and i never called you my friend i should’ve called i should’ve called i should’ve done something different blaming myself, i failed you that instance i should’ve smiled should’ve done more than wave should’ve walked five damn feet and just have said hey if i had given you a coat you wouldn’t have gotten that cold wouldn’t have taken those pills and i never would have known so im sorry, i know i said that im still wishing, you would come back but i wont waste what you’ve given me on fragile memories but shine your light for all to see so live on, through the trials so keep on, and always smile love now, and hate later because later, wont always be there i said love now, hate later because later, won’t always be there
3.
here we are in this same place again I'm holding on to what memories we have left like January 10th when I chased you or August this year when they found you mr jones please take care of her in all the ways that I never could mr jones please don't leave her alone mr jones make a wonderful home for her for me for her for me here I am again in this same state of mind the streak on the window always reminds me of all the talks that you called naive you always wanted to but i thought you wouldn't leave mr jones please take care of her in all the ways that I never could mr jones please don't leave her alone mr jones make a wonderful home
4.
Rainy Days 06:53
i hate everything i've ever written that's why i write new words everyday and i'm not sure if it's the coffee but i'm missing you more than usual today i only want to be drunk from your love it's not wasted on me, i'm not wasted enough and i begin to wonder are they better off without me? chorus i've heard that you shouldn't take life so serious and i've heard that it's all about experience there is no try only do or do not well i've tried, and found there's more to life than i thought please don't cry it's only a scratch it's evidence that it was a valiant fight bind the blinds so we can't see the sun only brings the dark places to light i don't run up the stairs at night anymore something about becoming an adult but i can't stand the taste of your tears when i know that it's all my fault chorus i've heard that you shouldn't take life so serious and i've heard that it's all about experience there is no try only do or do not well i've tried, and found there's more to life than i thought And i wished that i smoked so i'd have something to take the edge from me cause i'm standing too close and the bottom is all that i can see i swear i thought i saw you today buying groceries at the store your ghost haunts me still i wish we would quit keeping score chorus/outro i've heard that you shouldn't take life so serious and i've heard that it's all about experience yoda said there is no try but you tried to stay alive
5.
Johnny (i hurt myself today to see if i still feel i focus on the pain the only thing thats real) i've been wondering how to move on from this same place that I'm in cause overtime i think i've escaped i find myself here again and i wonder if this cycle is just for now or if it will ever end and i wonder if i'll ever be new so that maybe i can get out of this skin and i've been scared to finish these stupid songs that i wrote for you cause i was a little nervous that someone might actually see the truth that I'm not okay that you left and you left me without a clue and now my walls are falling down and i have no idea what to do and i can't stand this weather and the way that it drags me down i mean the rain is okay but it could be better, way better than it is right now cause i hate the sun but i haven't seen it since you left this town now those songs that i wrote last summer when you left are the only sound i think i've been staring at my dreams for too long my neck is starting break and i've been bending over backwards for a day job waiting to catch a break i know life not about feelings but i wish i felt a different way because once everything is stripped away i still feel so afraid distraction my captain take my mind to another place show me the world and all its riches but don't leave me in this retched place don't show me the hurt and the confusion that I know can swallow me whole don't show me the beauty of a word that I know has drowned so many other helpless victims don't don't let me hear their cries as I try not to let it bother me don't let me see their blood that seems to seep into this empty room don't let me smell their rotting dreams that were placed in storage until they grew up distraction my captain take me far to another place onto dry land because this sea has laid waste to the wooden ships that would pass by your island day after day after day after. these days seem to grow long or maybe short, since the sea sunk our ship it's been difficult to keep track but it hasn't been difficult to remember that grey day that was a vessel for your departure how could I forget it? distraction my captain don't go don't go don't go don't take that route home this is home can't you see that? why'd you go.? distraction my captain this carpet can't cover these scars I tried to replace your missing presence with joy but it's escaped again and again now it seems too far it seems to have taken off with you even though you told me time and again that you never had anything to do with the damn thing distraction my captain this is my distraction from you for you are gone you left this sunken wooden ship and went to your island without me you showed me all the things I didn't want to see and you took a stranger or a stranger took you-at least you didn't leave alone I suppose so here in this final bottle I send to you, as I sink slowly for the final time don't forget me don't be angry that I'm angry release your rope-I mean your hands from my neck because I can't miss you if I'm dead and I do miss you but I think, my captain that my time has come

about

In honor of our lost loved ones.

credits

released February 22, 2017

1. Stay -- vocals by Caleb Madl / Produced by Brandon Jump
2. Bill -- vocals by Caleb Madl / Produced by Caleb Madl
3. Mr. Jones -- vocals by Matt Wichtowski / Produced by Caleb Madl
4. Rainy Days -- Vocals by Caleb Madl / Produced by Caleb Madl
5. Aftermath (Hurt) -- vocals by Caleb Madl / Hurt by Johnny Cash / Produced By Caleb Madl

Artwork -- Marian De La Rosa

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Forest Elmira, New York

Twitter- @CalebMadl
@ForesttOfficial

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